


Failure In Orange and Pink

by daenabenjen42



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: 2010 Dare Challenge Response, Failed Mission, Gen, Humor/Farce, Wedding on a Boat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-30
Updated: 2016-06-30
Packaged: 2018-07-19 04:49:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7345570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daenabenjen42/pseuds/daenabenjen42
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The mission started out as a failure and stayed that way...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Failure In Orange and Pink

**Author's Note:**

> Characters: Sarcev Quest, the Meatlump King... No, you did not read that wrong.  
> Genre: Challenge Response  
> Time frame: 1 ABY  
> A/N: This was for the 2010 Dare Challenge. Challenge requirements at the end, and somehow I wasn't quite expecting something this... wild. (And, also: Have never played Star Wars Galaxies, and thus had no idea that there was a character known as the Meatlump King. So... if I missed anything, that's why.)  
> Disclaimer: Star Wars and all things associated with it were borrowed for a bit, as not everything in this story wanted to stay borrowed indefinitely.

The mission started out a failure. He realized that now as he sat in the transport, trying to think of an explanation to give to his master. From the underground lair that had been so well hidden a sewer rat couldn't have found it, to the card game that had been spoiled by a flurry of pink and orange paper raining down from the ceiling suddenly, to, finally, his meltdown on a beach in the middle of the night. It had been a complete and utter failure.

The first thing that came to mind was that visiting Selonian diplomat he'd seen while sitting at the bar of the hotel that had become the base of operations for the mission. She'd moved through, he'd watched her intently... and completely missed something else. That being: three men sauntering up to the bar, one of whom the bartender had called by the name of 'Meatlump'. His mission had been to find an ex-Imperial scientist, not persons with strange last names.

It hadn't occurred to him then that it was his first opportunity to get some information because of that Selonian. Maybe it was the fact that she'd been wearing a pink headcovering... or maybe not. Either way, it didn't matter now.

A week ago...

"So what'll you Meatlumps have?" the bartender asked congenially.

Sarcev Quest paid them no mind as the three men ordered and watched the patrons, taking note of all the ways in and out of the bar, and it was only when the three were out of sight that what the bartender had said caught up to him. He paused, then turned to the bartender. "What did you call them?"

"Those were the Meatlump boys. Faron, Warol, and Gunty." The bartender squinted at him. "Why?"

"Just curious... they come in here often?"

"Often enough." And with that, the bartender proceeded to ignore him in favor serving more customers.

Sarcev was itching to ask why a Selonian would have been wearing ceremonial headcovering, but was immediately convinced that the bartender would just stare at him and not answer. Of course he would... the bartender had been stonewalling any attempt to learn things for more than an hour. A woman sat down next to him on a stool and he leered at her suggestively. It had been far, far too long and she wasn't hard to look at. "So..."

"An ale," she told the bartender while placing a credit chip on the bar. "And no."

"No?"

She got her brink, turned to him with a frown. "No."

Quest watched her go for a moment, then moved to follow her. So what if he was on a mission... that didn't preclude a little investigating, now did it? "Hey, wait..."

Outside in the corridor leading to hotel rooms, he caught up to her... and one of those three men from earlier. Who glared at him. "She said no."

"I just wanted to ask some questions," Sarcev assured him. "I'm new around here and looking to offload some... questionable cargo." And if they bought that story, they were more stupid than they looked. He winked at the woman.

The woman sighed and waved the man off. "Go home, Warol. I'll handle this."

"You're sure?" Off her glare, Warol nodded. "Right. Of course you are."

She sighed again and sipped her ale, waiting until he was out of earshot before looking at Quest with raised eyebrows. "Look, I have very little tolerance for men trying to flirt with me under the guise of smuggling questionable things... and I know the type. You're not it. If anything, you remind me of a lost school teacher."

Quest rolled he eyes. Did his initiate training really show through that much? "Once upon a time, not now. Miss...?"

"Raven. You?"

"Hue." A code name was as good as any.

She chuckled. "Really?"

"Really."

Raven studied him some more, then shook her head. "Well, Hue, if that is really your name... I don't know anyone looking to distribute goods. Especially questionable ones." She waved a hand at the corridor. "But this is Coronet, I'm sure you'll be able to find someone who is." With that, she left him in the corridor.

Quest wanted to follow her, but got the impression that maybe that was a really bad idea from the way her hand kept straying to her sidearm.

Now...

Raven hated having to brush snarls out of her long hair. Hated it with a passion. Hated that idiot who wouldn't leave her family alone with a passion. Of all the stupid, sadistic things... trying to interrupt her wedding from the shore with a blaster?

She glanced at her locked bedroom door, knowing that eventually there would be explanations to be given, but for right now she was glad of the seclusion and the silence.

Ten hours ago...

The planning had been horrendous, the guest list had been pared down to four people from a possible six hundred, and if it hadn't been for that sudden flurry of pink and orange paper coating everything in the hotel, this ceremony would have happened somewhere other than a boat three hundred yards from shore at night. Lighting a ceremonial candle in concert with her love who was still wearing that awful makeup, Raven smiled. It couldn't have been more perfect.

Well... except for his makeup and his outfit. She would have loved to talk him out of both and into something formal and crowd pleasing, but her darling Meatlump wouldn't hear of it. Not somewhere so public, never mind that it was just them, a Selonian dignitary she'd known for years, his three sons, and the officiant in the dark of night.

Slowly, they brought the candles together to light the Union Candle, and then blew their own respective candles out. The officiant opened his mouth to speak, but a noise from shore distracted them.

Raven looked to find a man standing there, sillouetted against the far-off lights of the hotel, holding what could only be a blaster. "What in the..."

"Get down!" her intended yelled as blaster-fire began to pour from the blaster.

Five horror-filled minutes and way-too-many blaster bolts later, she heard what had to be cursing coming from shore. And then it registered that those shots had been far too badly aimed as she looked up to find their candle still lit and no one injured. Not even the boat. "What was that?"

Her darling Lumpy shrugged as he got up and looked toward shore. "No idea. Guy sure seems upset... Raven?"

"Yes?"

"Was there someone following you around all week long, trying to talk to you?"

"Yes. Why?"

"That him?"

Confused, she chanced a look of her own. In the darkness, with the light from the hotel helping... "Oh. Hue." What kind of weird uniform was he wearing? "Every time I went to meet with Feyn about wedding details, there he was like a really bad habit. Never seen him before this week, though." She glanced down at the Selonian still crouched down far enough. "Feyn? You ever seen a grown human man have a meltdown on a beach before?"

Feyn shook her head slowly, patting her orange head covering in thought. "No."

Raven motioned toward shore. "Have a look."

Now...

The Meatlump King wanted answers, for he had recognized the uniform, even in the darkness. He wanted to know how an Imperial agent of any kind had tracked him all the way home to Corellia. Why such an agent would try to get to him through his fiance, for that matter... If the agent even knew.

Sighing, he sat in a chair beside their bedroom door and waited for his wife to let him in. He wanted answers, and knew that she didn't know why either. It was frustrating.

And had that... meltdown, as she'd called it, been an actual attempt on his life, or the agent not realizing they were out there in a boat and finally losing his temper? It made no difference.

He jumped when the doorknob turned suddenly and she stepped out, smiling at him. "I thought you were going to keep the door locked until morning."

Raven nudged his shoulder gently. "Where's the fun in that?" She bent to kiss him firmly, then helped him out of the chair and guided him into their room. And kissed him again.

"Mmm... Raven?"

"Yes?"

"Nothing you say will get me to dress normally."

She chuckled. "You say that now..."

Imperial Transport...

Quest had had hours to decide on his story, and finally decided to tell the truth... such as it was. A Selonian had distracted him, a woman had pointedly give him the brush off on multiple occasions while he'd been trying to get information about a renegade former Imperial scientist supposedly running all of Coronet from the shadows, and he'd endangered people on a boat by losing his temper after having his card game ruined by oddly colored paper.

He thought about that some more, and shook his head. No. Not only would that story get him killed, but Palpatine would never believe it. Best to lie. At least then, he stood a chance of living.

fini

And now... the dare!

_The story is about the failed assassination attempt of the Meatlump King. It must be a serious fic, ie little to no humor. The occasional quip is fine. The attack occurred around 1 year ABY, so current events apply. Must take place on Corellia as that is where the Meatlump gang is located._

_In canon, the Meatlump King's true identity (real name and persona and such) is not known. This must hold true in the fic. In addition, no "heavy hitters" from canon, movie or EU, can make any kind of appearance. I'm talking no Skywalkers, Solos, Antilles, Horns, etc. Nada._

_Must involve his three sons._

_Must include mentions his is past works with the Empire- people he worked with and weapons he helped create. Should also make mentions of how and why he became disillusioned with his work and his affiliation with the Empire._

_The leader of the assassination squad must be the Emperor's Hand named Sarcev Quest. His usefulness lies in his ability to win people over and infiltrate groups; this should be used to gain him access into the Meatlump gang in order to set up the assassination attempt. Also, his terrible reputation as a sort of ladies' man must be part of the reason the assassination attempt fails. Should also reference his start as a Jedi initiate at least once and his feelings towards that time._

_POV should alternate between the Meatlump King and Sarcev Quest._

_Must also show fallout of failed attempt on both sides- how the Meatlump King and the Meatlumps react to the attack and his survival, and how Palpatine deals with Sarcev Quest for failing._

_One scene should take place on a boat at a popular tourist beach locale._

_One scene must include a prominent Selonian from Corellia's neighboring planet Selonia. While only seen in this one scene, the mentioned Selonian should play a fairly important part in the story throughout and should be mentioned more than once._

_Various mentions of the colors pink and orange, not necessarily together, and a card game of choice in a high end casino must be added._


End file.
